Category: Parenthood
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Starting daycare is rough
Picture this: itās 2 am. My kiddo is mouth breathing, loudly as sheās whining trying to fall asleep. Poor kid is running a fever. Sheās drooling and scratching her face because sheās teething. No one in this household have slept well for weeks.
Everyone warned me that starting daycare will be rough. Everyone said oh hey, youāll be sick all the time, your kid will be sick all the time, youāll be miserable.
How bad could it be, right? Well, itās bad. I donāt have a thesis for this post, I just need to vent. And yeah, sick kiddo is why Iām almost a week behind my (self-imposed) writing schedule.
Because over the past month this child was supposed to be in daycare (which isnāt cheap, mind you), sheās been home at least 50% of the time. And oh how I wish I could just blame daycare and say they donāt want to deal with yet-another-whiny-and-snotty-kid, I also empathize with both the overworked daycare employees who want to send her home.
Being a daycare worker isnāt easy, and Iām sure constant crying doesnāt help. When we were touring daycares, weāve noticed something interesting: every place posts pictures, names, and mini-resumes for their teachers - and what stands out to me is that many have 1-2 years of experience. Not just at the daycare we picked, but among the majority of places weāve toured.
Turns out daycare workers have a significantly above average turnover - like a press release from Federal Reserve Bank of Cleveland indicating that the āturnover among childcare workers was 65% higher than turnover of median occupationā. The wages are low, the hyper-vigilance needed to keep infants and toddlers alive takes a toll on a nervous system, and the job is mostly sedentary - with lots of sitting on the floor and baby chairs watching the little demons crawl around.
Where was I? Oh, yeah, I donāt know what daycare workers are going through, but I empathize.
But I also empathize with myself (dāoh), working half-days and taking unexpected time off as my clingy, cranky, annoyed toddler wants demands some kind of attention. The kiddoās sick and wants to be held 24/7. But you know what else? She gets bored, so she wants to play. But itās hard to play when youāre being held. So crying tends to be a good solution.
And all of that is on top of the fact that this disease-ridden potato has gotten me sick, 4 times and counting in the past 3 months. Her and mom get pretty sick, but - probably because momās body is working for two - they do mostly fine. Sick, but manageable.
I on the other hand just feel like Iām barely able to survive some days. Everything hurts, and nothing helps. I used to like being sick, in the same ways I love rainy days. You get an excuse to veg out - yeah, itās unpleasant, but you get to binge your favorite shows or play some sick-friendly games. You order in or your partner cooks for you. You drink tea and such. Itās cozy.
And most importantly for someone who struggles to sit still, I donāt feel any guilt for doing nothing. Itās nice.
But being sick with a kid - hell no. Gone is the guilt-free experience. Kidās sick, wifeās sick, Iām sick. Weāre all rotating through our chores, we all have our roles to play. One of us soothes the baby, one of us cooks and cleans, one of us cries and leaves a trail of snot on the floor.
So yeah, here I am, on my 4th sickness, taking a breather to write up this note while mom took the kiddo to get some fresh air.
Send help. No, really - shoot me an email to tell me Iām not alone and youāve survived this. Or maybe tell me why you also enjoy how being sick gives you a permission to be lazy. Someone please normalize my experience!
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Looking back at 2025
2025 was a crazy year - a good kind of crazy for once.
My daughter was born, and sheās pretty cool. Adjusting to life with an infant wasnāt easy, but we took on the challenge gladly - we lost our firstborn, and weāre grateful for every inconvenience or a sleepless night. But yeah, life wonāt ever be the same.
I took a lot of time off work to be with my kiddo, which was great for my mental health. This is the longest I havenāt worked in my adult life, and believe it or not - not working is nice, and Iām hoping Iāve been trying to keep this optimistically detached attitude as I got back to work throughout the year - with mixed success, but itās nice to know what the north star feels like.
The space to not work opened up room for other things. I got pulled into writing - a lot more than before. This year I published far north of 100,000 words across this and my gaming blog - publishing weekly across both outlets. Thatās a thick novel worth of words, and while not everything I wrote was great, I enjoyed having to come up with new topics, having to get my thoughts out on paper, and getting to experiment with various voices as a writer. 4 of my articles got boosted on Medium this year (which I thought was pretty cool), and I had some incredible conversations with folks in email and comment chains. I especially enjoyed jotting down decades worth of unfinished thoughts about games - gaming is a hobby I deeply enjoy.
Weāve done a few international trips - namely to Japan and Vietnam, and enjoyed both. Traveling with an infant was fun and weird, and Iām excited for even more travel next year. I also got to enjoy building different relationships with my parents and my in-laws, since we now primarily engage with them from the lens of having a kid. Itās fun, itās frustrating, itās novel.
All of this - alongside many conversations with family and friends - really brought on a philosophical shift. More appreciation for the impermanence of things. Life wonāt be simpler than it is today, things will only get more complicated. And thatās fine. I get to appreciate the way life was before, and I get to enjoy the way life is now. More complicated, more messy, much more full of life.
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Dad guide to buying baby stuff
Hi there. This is an email-to-a-friend turned into a blog post for posterity. I added affiliate links to Amazon (an occasional click pays for website expenses), but in most cases you can find all of this baby stuff for much cheaper at a second-hand store. Except for diapers, of course.
A few of my friends are in the child planning phase or are going through their first pregnancy. Itās an exciting and scary time, and there are so many things to buy - some are worth it, some arenāt. And as a dad whose daughter passed a six month milestone a few months back - hereās what worked for me and what didnāt, what I thought was worth spending the money on and what was a bit of a scam. Each babyās an individual though, so your mileage may and will vary.
The vibe
In the first 6 months, I think babies are as expensive as you let them, given that theyāre healthy of course. After footing the hospital bills, and a few upfront purchases, the only consistent expenses were diapers, wet wipes, and occasional āoh, I should get thisā purchases. While Iām generally not a fan of Amazonās business model, having same day/next day delivery was a lifesaver, especially in the earlier months.
That being said, we werenāt particularly self-restrictive - but it felt like the first 6 months didnāt really break the bank.
Clothes
So the baby needs clothes to wear, and within the first six months itās mostly lots of onesies. Hereās the challenge - babies grow fast, and at inconsistent speeds. Baby clothes are sized by age, but the older they get, the less sizes line up with their age. Your six month old could be wearing a 9-12 month outfit, or even a 0-3 month one if theyāre tiny.
Because of that, buying lots of clothes in advance is a bit of a waste of money. And having too many outfits for each āsizeā is also not a great idea, since babies grow in bursts, and sometimes they can just choose to grow an inch in a few weeks and skip a size.
Naturally this makes second-hand clothes a very appealing option. If you can get hand-me-downs - just take them all, it really helps. Pass them on to the next child when done. We lucked out with neighbors having a kiddo two years older than ours, and we got boxes and boxes of clothes. Ask around at work and in your third places - baby clothes donāt really have resale value and just take up space in a closet, most folks are happy to donate.
If you donāt have a community to draw from - thatās not a huge deal either, because baby second-hand clothes are cheap. I mean, really cheap. San Diego isnāt known for its low prices, but a single outfit costs between $1 and $5. Yeah, fancier outfits can be more expensive and weād splurge all of $10 for a nice dress to take our daughter to a formal event like a wedding.
New baby clothes are overpriced for what they are - an outfit a baby will wear anywhere between 2 and 20 times, and youād be shelling out $30 on average.
Also, most people in your life will give you baby outfits. Youāll have more outfits than you need, and you might even have to cycle through multiple outfits a day for a photoshoot because the gift outfits are getting really tight and might not fit tomorrow. Iām sure this will change as she gets older, but between hand-me-downs and second-hand stores we probably havenāt spent more than $50.
You need onesies, a couple of swaddles, maybe some sleep sacks as the kiddo gets older. Ours didnāt care for swaddles or sleep sacks after the two month mark, but some babies sleep in sacks for years.
You also need a bunch of large muslin cloths (in addition to a few sheets you will inevitably steal from the hospital), which are a lifesaver for cleaning up, swaddling, and temperature regulation, some burp cloths for a quick cleanup, and a few bibs for when the baby begins to try solid foods (which is right around the 6 month mark).
Bassinet
Okay, thereās lots of crazy expensive and nice bassinets out there. I mean thereās SNOO you can buy for $1,700, which is smart enough to soothe your baby to sleep and probably get you a cup of coffee ready in the morning. We ended up with a cheap ($100) bassinet from Amazon, and glad we didnāt splurge.
Our little one really didnāt like sleeping by herself, and eventually she just moved to our bed. Nights got better, and the bassinet didnāt get much use. Maybe an ultra-smart bassinet couldāve soothed my baby to sleep, but we wonāt find that out now.
Bassinets are nice in theory because you can have them right by the bed, which we did - and it wouldāve been nice, if our baby didnāt want to be held all the time. Having us nearby wasnāt enough. Some folks skip the bassinet and go straight for the crib, which is an option with more longevity to it.
Stroller and carriers
Just like with the bassinets, there are lots of really expensive strollers out there. We went with a Chicco Bravo 3-in-1 travel system, and itās perfectly functional. You get a car seat, you get a stroller, and you can also have a car seat clipped into the stroller.
We bought this new, mostly due to safety and recall concerns around used car seats. I think some second-hand shops actually certify their resold seats, but we just went with a new one.
Chicco Bravo handles a bit worse than more expensive brands like Nuna (especially if you have bad sidewalks), but it didnāt feel like a major enough difference to justify paying double or triple the price.
Thereās also the carriers, and personally I prefer to carry my baby in a carrier over a stroller, while my wifeās the opposite. Thereās the single long piece of cloth you can wrap around yourself or firm carriers like Baby Bjorn, and many options in between. We have a bunch, some bought and some handed down, and both my wife and I and our daughter as she grows have different preferences for which carrier works best. Itās nice to have a mix.
Diapers, wet wipes, and such
You donāt want to cheap out on diapers. Cheap diapers will cause blowouts, and itās as bad as it sounds. Good diapers hold the poo in very well - we found Pampers to be good enough.
I tried out 5-6 different brands, and some of them fit better than others - babies have different body shapes, so it might be worth shopping around mid range diapers.
Cloth diapers are a thing, and while before having a baby I thought Iād be all cool and Earth conscious, realizing how much babies pee and poo and how hard is that stuff to clean made me reconsider that position. We could barely do our own laundry, traditional diapers are good, apparently.
You also need wet wipes to clean the kiddoās booty. I tried a whole bunch, and nothing beats the water wipes, even though theyāre more expensive. They clean better than most and donāt have any scent, which I think is nice.
You should also get an inexpensive diaper pail - those things are lifesavers, believe it or not - baby poo smells.
Gadgets
Babycams are real nice for watching your baby when they sleep, or doing some chores throughout the house when they play by themselves. Infant Optics has been the workhorse of our household: no WiFi, no Internet connection, just a reliable camera with a screen you can take with you. Works 100% of the time, no fiddling required.
Toys
Lots of toys are given as gifts, and pass-me-downs from friends, colleagues, or neighbors are great here too. Your kid will have preferences for specific toys, these preferences will change over time. You donāt really need that many, and it takes kids a while to start playing with things anyway. Just go with the flow here, donāt overplan.
A few baby books, something to make noise, something with light and movement. Once the little one starts teething (anywhere between 3 to 9 months I think), lots and lots of different teethers. There are no wrong options here.
A small play gym can go a long way too, our daughter used it a lot and still does.
Bath
We bought a little baby bathtub, but most of the time we just bring our kiddo with us in the shower. Itās faster and easier.
You need some baby-friendly soap, shampoo and something to scrub the baby with. But itās not urgent, you donāt really clean newborns that often - their skin is too sensitive for that. If the baby has a cradle cap, some coconut oil and a scrubber do wonders, but it does take weeks to get off the nasty skin flakes.
Boogers, nails, and gunk
Something I wouldnāt have known about, here are the three things that are must buy:
- Nail sander, because cutting baby nails is impossible. You gotta sand them down.
- Gunk picker, because thereās always random gunk in the nose, ears, and other hard to reach places.
- Booger sucker, because the child will eventually get sick and boogers need to be removed.
And you get them used to these three tools immediately, especially the booger sucker, so that they donāt fight it when theyāre sick. Play with these sometimes.
Feeding
Eh, this really depends on breastfeeding vs bottle feeding. If youāre on formula, the hospital will send you home with a small supply of formula (or a very large supply if youāre nice to the nurses).
Bottles are a complicated topic too, babies like different bottle shapes during different cycles of the moon. I would just get a couple of different ones, they donāt have to be fancy in case the baby rejects them. You donāt really need to be overprepared in advance here, collect bottles as you go.
Oh, and we got this bottle washer from a friend, and I think it was useless. You can wash and sanitize bottles in the dishwasher, with all the other dishes. Itās fine.
Feedingās a really complicated topic, and is even more unique to the baby than the rest of the topics here. Good luck.
Oh - you do probably want a nursing pillow or something like that. Itās helpful for positioning the baby for lots of activities, from eating a boob to play time.
Fitness
Okay, so far Iāve generally been advocating for utmost frugality, but hereās something that I think is worth splurging for: baby-friendly gym membership. There are āmommy and meā classes all around, which my wife took extensively while on maternity leave - itās a great place to stay in shape, build community, and just take a bit of a breather: itās one public place where you donāt feel bad if your childās having a meltdown for whatever reason.
Totally worth it.
Iām about to take a second part of my paternity leave, and Iām looking into ādaddy and meā classes - I think these are a great use of money if one of the parents isnāt working. Helps with sanity.
Naturally, all of this is my personal take. My little one might love her cheap high chair now, but yours might only eat from a gold spoon. But I also think thereās a whole industry out there designed to make you feel like youāre doing something wrong if youāre not shelling out for the most expensive thing for your child - and itās been a constant battle for my family to figure out where we stand.